Fantasy Land



This is the first week of school for SIU, and probably most colleges across the country. Thinking back on it, I always used to love the first four weeks of college. When I was a freshman at U of I, I was not prepared for the social transition from my quiet, conservative Belleville existence to the vast craziness and random chaos that college represented. The brochure for U of I guaranteed a quality education at an affordable price. The education I received was not what was advertised.
For most people, college represents a time when you can suspend your disbelief and basically do whatever you want to do. No curfews, no parents, a student body that is more than willing to "expand your horizons", no bills (unless mommy and daddy won't fork the bill like my parents), no kids, no responsibilities. When I say no responsibilities I mean that for the first time in most students lives, the educational process is purely voluntary. You can choose to go to class, or you can choose to stay in your dorm and watch DVD's and download mp3's illegally. Being the ultra nerd that I am, I decided to go to class. But what I did notice on my way to class were girls. Willing girls. Since I had not even kissed a girl until college, I was pretty much dumbfounded by the female species.........I still am in a way. For a guy, it doesn't get better. Every year a fresh crop of toned post-high school bodies, unsullied by keg stands, late night pizza, and lack of high school athletics. The window for the "hot" freshman body usually lasts until about mid October. By then the girls will probably be acclimated to college(which is code for having obtained a good fake ID or a valid ID that is remarkably similar) and become good friends with the Mexican guys who work at the burrito joint they stumble to in their drunken stupor after the bars kick them out. The first four weeks of school pretty much the equivalent of grown up kindergarten. All the classes focus on syllabi, you get fed all the time for no other reason than to deceive you to join a group or attend a meeting to join, the girls are still in their hot phase and able to wear their hook up gear. If you don't know what hook up gear is I'll give a list:
1. Halter top
2. Booty pants (either black or tan.......and YES every girl has a pair)
3. Strap shoes
For those willing to endure the perpetual idiocy of the dance club scene you WILL find a girl who IS dressed like this. I'm not saying that every girl who dresses this way wants to engage in sexual activity. But as a wise man once said, "Every girl is that type of girl. It's just a matter or who and when." I'm all about respect, but how can you respect someone who wears ass floss and has the nerve to call it underwear? More than that, how can you respect a woman who will pretty much have virtual anal sex with a guy under the pretense that it is dancing? For those just entering college I say good luck. For those coming back, I give one piece of advice: DO NOT LEAVE!! DO NOT PASS GO!! DO NOT START YOUR 401K!! Think about it. There's a reason people say they leave college for the "real" world. College is an existence predicated on perpetual experimentation and evolution. The "real" world can kick your ass. After college, I only have a vague recollection of when it wasn't kicking mine. As my man said in Garden State, "Have fun exploring the infinite abyss!"