Swirling


In the past couple weeks I have had friends come to me with troubles that they are having because of their dating decisions. I also have received a lot of static from people, especially relatives, because of the same reasons. Why is interracial dating such a problem in society? In case you are highly unaware and exist in a utopia without prejudice the “race problem” is still prevalent in society.
For me, I just have never thought about someone’s ethnicity when I thought about dating them. It is just a ridiculous prejudice to have. I was raised to believe that people are people. Cultures might clash but the core dynamic between males and females is the same. I need all the help I can get. Why would I limit my potential dating pool based on a superficial trait? Is attraction color blind or does it play a factor? I know some people who do have a preference based on ethnicity. A friend told me that he dated Hispanic women because “They have those hips and that fat ass!” I have heard similar characteristics about African-American women. Supposedly people can distinguish different ethnicities based on the smell of their skin, which supposedly differs. I always thought that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are beautiful people of all ethnic backgrounds and it is natural to be attracted to it. Part of the problem is that people start believing stereotypes and that is where prejudice is born.
There are problems that do exist in interracial relationships, this is true. Sometimes there are cultural differences that do arise when two people meet and try to create a romantic relationship. Sometimes these differences are major, like religious background and political beliefs, and sometimes these differences are minor, like restaurant preference. The biggest factor in creating friction are outsiders in the relationship. In my case, some members of my family are definitely NOT in favor when I date someone outside of my race. This past Easter I was verbally molested by my “well-meaning” grandmother and aunt. I will give you an excerpt of the conversation

Grandmother: Duane, you still dating them crackers?

Me: What?!

Aunt: What’s wrong with the sistahs?

Me: Nothing. I just haven’t found one that likes me.

Grandmother: Awww bullstank! You ain’t looking hard enough. All you’ve ever dated is dem white girls.

Me: That’s not true. I’ve dated black girls before. I don’t look at race, you do.

Grandmother: Well not nearly enough. I ain’t going to no white wedding.

Me: Even if I love the person?

Grandmother and Aunt: Hell no!

Me: People are people. Basically we are all the same. Same fears, same joys, pains. All the b.s. is the same.

Grandmother: It don’t matter about love. She would eventually be accepted by us. But your black butt would never be accepted by her people. Don’t matter what you do! And that is the truth Ruth!

Me: How do you know?

Grandmother: I have seen it. What is worse is the kids. What about your kids? What will they be? They won’t be accepted by either side and will end up being lost. That is why it is better to stick with your own people.

Dad: Mama, black women can break his heart as easily as a white women. All of you are crazy!!

Needless to say, the assault didn’t exactly correspond with the religious theme for the day. Or maybe my persecution did correspond with Easter……………….? I have tried explaining that I date people based on how they treat me. I think that is how most people rationalize their options. If someone can genuinely care for you, make you laugh, and make you feel special that is all you can really ask for. Ethnicity should never enter the equation. It is difficult to try to fight an unending battle to justify a relationship to the world. Why should someone have to justify their heart? No one should ever have to. It is asinine and juvenile to question someone because of their racial background., but the simple truth is that there is a contingency of people who cannot see past the amount of melanin in someone’s skin. Maybe my problem is that I never identified myself based on my ethnicity. I don’t see myself as a black man, just a man. Being African-American has impacted my view on the world and the way that some people perceive me. If my skin color is the only thing that people see when they look at me, then they will never really be able to see me.
Is there a cure for the common sickness of ignorance? The remedy is patience and a willingness to think. My grandmother called me a “black Jew” because I “talk like a white boy”. I have tried explaining to my grandmother that I don’t know how to appease her because I kind of like who I am and don’t think that I could sound like DMX overnight. People cannot force a change in someone’s thought process. I just pray that people who see interracial dating as an abomination can realize that race doesn’t act as the tie that binds. Attraction is attraction. All people can do is try to love the best they can. Remember that the relationship is a dichotomy and outside opinions are inconsequential.