Why every boy wants to be James Bond


After I saw Casino Royale recently I began to think about heroes and why I thought James Bond was such a cool character. Why has the character of James Bond endeared himself to generations of men and women? I think it is a combination of things. To me, James Bond is the epitome of the alpha male without the rough edges. He personified what “cool” really was. I know he is a fictional character and it is a little morbid to be enamored with a man who is basically an alcoholic who borders on the edge of being a sociopath.
While I would not encourage anyone to become a social deviant, I believe that James Bond as a character is more than his actions. The character has evolved to an almost secular level. What positive qualities does the character exude? The most desirable quality, for men and women, is his supreme confidence. When Ian Flemming originally wrote Casino Royale he created a character that was hindered by his own hubris and it cost him in regards to his first mission as a “00”. His license to kill blinded him to the rationale for killing. But he was so confident in his ability to get the job done he neglected protocol and dispatched of his enemies.
His confidence also found itself playing a large part in his romantic conquests. What man doesn’t want the confidence to pick up the beautiful woman he sees in a crowded area? Most men consider themselves when they are able to proposition a woman into sex. To James Bond, it isn’t a matter of luck but a matter of time. James Bond ALWAYS gets the girl. In reality, things aren’t nearly redundant. While his blatant sexist behavior never allows him to truly connect to a woman on an emotional level, it works for the character because he is not supposed to have emotional ties to any person. Emotions are a liability to MI6. Anyone who has seen Casino Royale knows exactly what I am talking about.
I believe the next point that makes the character so popular is his dedication to his job. Most people have a dispassionate relationship with their career. Most of the time, it has evolved into a monotonous routine. The character of James Bond has a fierce loyalty to his job. His job is more than an occupation, it is his life’s ambition and only solace from the chaos surrounding him. Moreover, it is a daily affirmation that he is doing the right thing.
I guess I can give my own rationale for my admiration of the character. The character exudes and amplifies every quality I think a man should have. The confidence to never question your actions or doubt the success of them, the inner strength to never have fear of the unknown, the resourcefulness to negotiate through any obstacle, and always getting the object of affection are all admirable qualities. I, like most men, fall short in several of these qualities. I am far from perfect, but the desire to be a better man still lingers. I wish I oozed “cool” or “confidence”. Instead, I perspire self-deprecation and awkwardness.
Some may read this and say that it is bullshit and that the character of James Bond is flawed, and he is. That imperfection makes him more human and even more enjoyable because the mistakes that he does make allows the reader/viewer to identify with him even more. The world of literature creates a vast universe with characters that most people could not even fathom. Every so often, a character emerges from out suspension of disbelief and enters into our subconscious. The character of James Bond represents the best qualities in men as well as some of the worse. The character endures because at its core exists a nobility and respectability that overpowers the egotism and nymphomania.

The Change of Life

What happens to the promise of youth fades into memory? A few weeks ago my uncle faced a startling realization; he would never be the same person he was in his younger days. Let me start off by saying that he is almost 80 years old. He isn’t exactly a spring chicken anymore. But until about 2 years ago, he was fiercely independent. He was never married, which is probably the reason he was able to maintain a stable level of health for so long, never smoked, and never drank. One of his only vices is women. He loves women and said one of the reasons he could never marry is because he could never be satisfied with just one woman. The other reasons is that 1. He doesn’t like being told what to do and 2. All he really cared about was what he could get out of his women sexually. He is a self-professed man-whore and prided himself on his Wilt Chamberlinesque number of conquests.
When I was growing up, I idolized my uncle. He had a lot of the same characteristics I wanted. He was extremely intelligent (mastering the German language and playing master level chess/checkers), athletic, and he went to the University of Illinois (which played a VERY large part in my decision to attend said institution). He encouraged two of my passions: sports and film. We went to both very often. I can’t count how many times he would take me to the Esquire theater or the Galleria theater in St. Louis, MO. We went to many football games together as well. When I was able to take him, we would go see U of I play. He also would come see me play football when I was in high school. He seemed to take such pride in seeing me play. It always gave me a sense of accomplishment to know I pleased him.
His advice was always something I treasured growing up. As I got older, I realized that the legitimacy of it was not as I had imagined. Some things he said were true. Things like, “Winning is the only thing that counts in sports; a good loser is still a loser.” “Never compromise yourself for anyone, including me. You got one life to live and you have to live it YOUR way.” “I don’t care how good looking a woman is, sex gets old if you don’t like her……………TRUST me. You can be with her in the bedroom and it feels like you are putting your penis in a water basin.” Some things ended up not being as true as I had believed. “Women go to college to get married. Duane, don’t get trapped by the vagina!” “You can’t have a good time when you are drinking liquor.” “I never met a honkey I could ever really trust.” His combination of Midwestern machismo and old-fashioned Black militantism/social uplift was always entertaining if not informative. Was he rude at times? Most definitely. His voice could carry very far, after decades of honing his skills teaching mathematics. That volume coupled with a lack of the social filters that restrict us from the most basic reactions to the human condition made for some interesting encounters with the rest of the general public that found my uncles outbursts to be both insensitive and hilariously accurate for the most part.
My uncle despises weakness. He always felt that life was meant to be lived. He never wanted to be hospitalized or “taken care of”. That is why he tried to be as health conscious as he could. He never saw a doctor until he was about 60 years old. He felt that they were not necessary and that most ailments he could deal with or just ignore. This sense of pride is what hurts him most now.
When my uncle was diagnosed with glaucoma, he was mentally devastated. In the past 4 years he has had 14 surgeries on his eyes(7 on the left and 7 on the right). Because of this condition he cannot drive his car anymore, and because he could not drive himself he had to trust someone to drive him. He hated to see his right to drive taken from him. It was the first sign that his blind coat of invincibility was not as thorough as he had believed. He could be hurt and he is very much mortal. Because he could not drive, he because depressed, and because of his depression he did not want to eat any more. This change lead to a plethora of ailments that our family could not have foreseen.
Personally, it was devastating to see the man who I saw as a pillar of strength reduced to a frail old man. It was even more hurtful to see the aftershocks of his reaction to his condition. His depression over his eyesight has leered its way to his appetite and his attitude. My uncle was never Mr. Rogers but his frankness was always presented in a comical way. When I see him now, he looks like a man without a country. It saddens me to see him acquiesce to a defeatist attitude when he would never conform to anyone or anybody beforehand.
I wish I could help him and give him the younger body he longs for; the strength to live in a way that holds him accountable to no one. I wish he could still play tennis like he wanted and drive himself to Champaign for football on October weekends. I wish I could give him part of my strength so that maybe he might feel more like a man. It always seems that life is revolved around loss. We lose our youth, our innocence, our strength, our memory, our friends, our health, and our family. It is depressing if you think about it. We are born to die. That is all my uncle thinks about now; the inevitability of his demise. He says he has lived a full life and has no regrets but he still has a look of fear and doubt whenever he looks in the mirror and sees an old man looking back at him.
I guess the question is how do people combat the fact that they must adjust to the cruel change that is old age? I suppose that we must do the absolute best we can with whatever talents God has bestowed upon us. Some people have the Ferris Bueller philosophy in regards to living and believe that life should not be taken seriously. I always thought that is a bullshit juvenile train of thought. Of course life should be taken seriously! It is your life; your sole opportunity to make your impact on this planet and its people. There is a time and a place for fun and games but I know I want my time on this planet to be significant. We will eventually get old, but I think we must try to maintain a sense of grace that seems to escape us as we began to change. Our bodies will betray us but the general mental aesthetic of ourselves can remain intact if we try. Getting older isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of life and the ability to endure. It definitely is a better choice than the alternative.

Things that make me go hmmm part 2

1. Techno music. It just doesn’t make sense at all to me.

2. The obsession over Miley Cyrus. What is the big deal? She puts on a wig and takes it back off. Let her go through her cocaine induced stupor like the rest of the Disney channel’s finest (Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Sarah “Fergie” Ferguson)

3. Does anybody else find it weird that Bob Saget is the NASTIEST bastard on the planet?

4. What happened to Play from Kid n’ Play?

5. When did African-American kids start believing that professional sports or entertainment are the ONLY venues to success?

6. Why is Hillary Clinton so deluded about her place in history? She LOST! Accept it and give Bill a “rub and tug”. It might save her marriage.

7. When did the Chicago Cubs become respectable again? This is fucked up beyond ALL recognition to me.

8. Why do large women wear thongs? Looks like a yeast factory meltdown.

9. When did instant messaging become the voice of generation Y? Thanks for fucking up hundreds of years of perfecting language.

10. Why are people SO surprised that athletes cheat with performance enhancing drugs? When your entire LIFE is based on PERFORMANCE you might want to stack the odds in your favor.

11. The obsession over abs. They look nice but their utility in daily life is pretty suspect.

12. Taking a “break” instead of actually breaking up. It’s kind of like giving the other person a lease to fuck on the side and get away with it without guilt.

13. When did relationships become SO complicated and frustrated that people had to enter a personality profile to figure out what they really want?

14. How is it that celebrities make songs about indulging in psychotropic substances and readily admit to habitually using drugs and they are NEVER busted? If I was a cop, I would ALWAYS be over at Snoop Dogg’s house. Dr. Dre’s house too.

15. Who came up with drive-through liquor stores? Kind of setting up for failure…………..

16. How many “American Pie” sequels do they have to fucking make?!

17. When was the last time you saw a Native American in either a film or on television?

18. When did the concept of marriage become a running punchline?

19. Is Carlos Mencia really THAT funny?

20. Why do parents give their children presents like free plastic surgery? I don’t think a boob job is a good graduation present.

21. Guys don’t “lose” their virginity. They “get lucky” Women “lose” their virginity. Think about it.

22. Why is every Big and Tall store within 1 mile of an all-you-can-eat buffet?

23. Why do people assume that just because two people are of the same ehtnicity then they would make a good people? Here’s a little secret………………not all black people like each other. White people don’t always like each other either.

24. The mile high club sounds fun. But have you ever been in an airplane bathroom? Holy shit! Those things are tiny. How could you ever get down in that thing?

25. When some people refer to blacks as “colored”, what color do they mean? Black and white aren’t colors, so I was pretty curious.

Why People Love Comic Book Movies

With the recent success of Iron Man and the impending successes of both The Incredible Hulk and The Dark Knight it got me thinking. Why do people, let alone supposedly responsible adults spend their $7.50 on entertainment that is supposed to be designed for children? Maybe the answer comes from the fact that these films are entertainment. Moreover, these films remind most of the general public that films of all genre can educate and have a voice that is moderately intellectual. Do I expect the beforementioned films to win an Academy Award for acting? No, maybe special effects, but they are enjoyable nonetheless.
Let’s begin with Iron Man. When I saw the über nerdgasm at the end of the film (if you have stayed past the credits, you will understand what I mean) I realized that 1. Marvel is taking control of its own comic universe 2. There is something at the core of the film and 3. The next 4-5 years are going to be VERY interesting in regards to the development /re-emrgence of some infamous characters. What makes Tony Stark so special? He’s a raging alcoholic., a womanizer, a war profiteer, egotistical, and kind of a sexist. But he is also a genius, a patriot, and a man with the capacity to change. He gets a second chance at life and I think that resonnates with many people. The majority of society still wants to believe that they could alter their destiny and change their path in life despite the circumstances.
Another reason why Iron Man is successful is because Tony Stark, like Bruce Wayne, is NOT a superhero. He is a man who uses his intellect to create a method for him to perform spectacular feats and help save the day. Ingenuity is more admirable than sheer “talent”. I love Superman as a character but he doesn’t have many flaws. And his “disguise” is a pair of damn glasses. C’mon now! Tony Stark takes responsibility for his career as a weapons producer and his alter identity works as a pennance for his past.
The Incredible Hulk will work for a completely different reason. Bruce Banner doesn’t WANT to be a hero. He is forced into it. His alter identity as the Hulk creates a sense of pathos where he must try to maintain a sense of humanity while constantly battling the urge to turn into something bestial. The Hulk is a creature whose primal force is destruction and rage, but he is also a hero. This is because the Hulk IS connected to Bruce Banner. I hope the film captures this struggle as poetically as Bill Bixby did in the television series.
Comic books allow the reader to escape the bittersweet reality of daily existence. The characters show the best, and sometimes the worst, traits in our own nature. If you don’t believe that comics can change the way people can think look at the X-Men. Stan Lee, in his utmost genius, decided to give his own personal commentary to the civil rights movement by creating the legendary series. People want to see heroics. Heroism performed by those who would otherwise seem unworth lets the audience have a sense of autonomy. Even though most of us don’t admit it, we want to believe that we want to be able to save someone and perhaps make this chaotic world a little more sensible. Comic book movies allow this suspension to happen……………..for at least two hours.