What’s Love Got to Do With It


I recently got into an argument with a friend over what truly qualifies as romance and how movies are getting it wrong and sending messages that are counter-productive and just ignorant of all reality. The entire argument started over the movie Blue Valentine, which my friend saw and found to be very profound as to the true nature of romance. According to my friend, the entire idea of relationships and love is a façade because eventually it will end. I can’t argue with the fact that people are bound by their mortality and because of this all relationships eventually do end. I just think that the premise of love is not a total waste of time. In fact, I believe that by definition, love is supposed to be something that isn’t permanent. It’s just a feeling. Some would say that it can be manipulated, like all emotions, with the correct electric stimuli to the brain. I don’t think that it is that complicated in principle. Or maybe I should refine my statement. I don’t think attraction is that difficult. Maybe having a genuine connection is difficult.

I’ve heard the theory that people believe in one person for all their life, their soul mate, and all that stuff. I don’t know if I buy that. There are billions of people out there in the world and I think I have a decent enough personality to believe that I could get along with a couple of people. I kind of think it’s a bullshit statement to say that there is only one person who could stomach my crap. Well…………maybe that is true. But I’m sure if I went to either Germany or England I could find someone who could tolerate me. Probably Germany more than England, the rumor is that German woman are crazy about black dudes. But I digress, back to the whole attraction thing. Attraction is such a broad emotion and not really based on anything substantive. I love video games. Just because a female enjoys playing video games does not mean we should start dating. Besides, unless she can play NCAA Football we wouldn’t have much to talk about. The most flawed aspect of attraction is basing it on physical attributes. It’s almost impossible to avoid because the way someone looks is the first thing one notices and men just have a hard time turning down a cute face and supple endowments. I’m sure it is the same for women, but it isn’t a good thing. The most attractive girl I’ve ever dated was also the most vapid. It wasn’t until I was almost 30 years that I realized that a girls IQ is much more valuable than her bra size.

Let’s turn to the wide world of cinema and how the notion of what “true love” is has been totally perverted. What I mean by perverted is that it s something that is common and something that can occur within a relatively short span of time. “Love at first sight” is the biggest load of bullshit there is. I mean, what can you possibly know about someone in the span of a minute or two? “Lust at first sight” is more accurate and unfortunately can lead to both parties wasting a lot of time on one another. Take for instance the film Titanic, why is it so beloved? Because a girl turned down a life of passionless privilege for an opportunity at “true romance” with a guy who she has known less than a week? Even the most classic love story sets up generations on an empty definition of love. William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” is considered the epitome of what romance is. Well, let’s examine this romance. Romeo, who had just been dumped by the fair Rosaline, goes to a party to stop pining and then instantly falls for Juliet. And Juliet, ever the virtuous young lady, refuses to put out until they get married the next day. Not to mention that both of these knuckleheads are 13!!What about asking some important questions? “Hey, I’m Romeo Montague. What’s your name? I’m into biting my thumb at my enemies. What do you do?” I mean, seriously, no wonder most of us are some jacked up when we can’t figure out what love is. Most of our sources are delusional and without merit.

My point is that it takes a significant amount of time to truly know someone and even then one can never really know if the other is genuine. Intimacy of emotions is definitely the more dangerous gambit as compared to intimacy of one’s body. Unfortunately, physical intimacy has become so readily available and so casual that it really doesn’t mean much of anything. I’m not saying I’m a priest. I’ve definitely had my fair share of adventures but they never really led anywhere. Or at least nowhere I ventured to stay for a significant amount of time. I don’t want to come off as preachy but when any relationship is predicated on sex, you are in big trouble. It’s important but being interesting is more so and being able to not embarrass the other person in open company by spouting off idiotic antidotes is pretty important as well. When someone confuses the NCAA with the NAACP, I don’t care how hot she/he is. Dump her/him fast!

My favorite romance films are Before Sunset, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Love and Basketball, and The Truth about Cats and Dogs. I prefer my romances to have an IQ. More than that, the key in any relationship is dialogue. That’s why Before Sunset holds a special place in my mental rolodex. The film is a 90 minute continuous conversation throughout the streets of Paris. And there are real consequences for the characters. Moreover, past decisions are brought up and their significance is tangible to the viewer. The film just has the perfect blend of acting, dialogue, and setting. It all combined to create this lucid dream that transports the viewer to the streets of Paris and is not explicit in the direction of the plot.

Let me conclude this diatribe by just saying that I believe in the idea of romance and love. I do not think that love is a cyclical series of disappointment, betrayal, and confusion. I just think that it requires what most people are very reluctant to do and that is being honest with themselves. Most of the time, we are so dreadfully afraid of the real nature of ourselves we do what complete opposite of what we truly want/desire just to achieve the illusion of normalcy. I really have no prescription for being honest. Considering we are constantly evolving, both mentally and physically, I guess the truth is pretty fluid. I hope that artists don’t continue to corrupt future generations of people that romance is based on some dreadful formula. Film, music, and novels have been trying to express the feeling for centuries and rarely succeeding. Perhaps that is because something so rare and brief and extremely personal cannot be expressed. Not everyone wants a “happily ever after” and that is perfectly acceptable. I just wish that people were more accurate with their true intentions and expressed it with the phrase “happily currently”. It might resolve some of the mystique and pressure associated with the emotion.