First Day


Today was my first day of work teaching high school English. It was a surreal experience. It was only a half day of school but it felt longer. I wouldn't say I was nervous but I was more excited to go. I had to put my game face on. A girl in my first hour class asked me, "Mr. Phillips, are you ever going to smile? I'm a happy person." I replied in the negative. I don't consider myself mean-spirited or cruel but one fact I do know is that students respect strength, not weakness. Unfortunately teachers cannot show compassion to their students, not initially anyway. I have heard that teachers should not smile until December. I don't know if I'll adhere to that policy but I don't plan to become too chummy with the students. I never realized the pressure to perform every hour, every day, for nine straight months. Standing in front of a class can be intimidating but I think that the more prepared an educator is the more secure he/she feels.
The amount of information being bombarded on me is unreal. All the shit that is regurgitated to me in board meetings, faculty meetings, and department meetings is just ridiculous. Things I've never thought about, like insurance and retirement funds, are now a priority. As a 24 year old, the furthest thing from my mind is the end of my working life. The only goal I have is to teach my students to the best of my ability and show them the universal qualities of English that make it the best field of study on the planet. I don't guarantee fun but I hope to invoke a sense of genuine interest and appreciation for the subject matter, helping students to become independent thinkers. My worse fear is to allow students to believe that it is not ok to question. Hopefully my students will be able to transcend their role as adolescents and become fully-functional and informed adults, capable of juxtaposing their existence in the world to what they are studying. Time will tell I suppose.