The Wedding



My father got married this past weekend. It was kind of nice. I was his best man/witness, which I didn't expect. The night before I went to his house and we hung out. I wanted to do the traditional pre-wedding activity and get him hammered and take him to some strip clubs and let some pretty young thing earn some money. But unfortunately I am broke right now and can't pay for too much of anything. Therefore, the strip club field trip is on hiatus. I'm not canceling it because every man deserves a bachelor party, even if it is belated. I also had my first drink with my father. I guess I had always been kind of nervous to drink with him. He knew that I did drink. He came to see me play rugby my freshman year at U of I and went to the party after the game for a second. He said, "Those motherfuckers are some drinking bastards! Damn!" It was even funnier back then. My father is a cognac drinker, unlike myself, who pretty much sticks to beer. Over the course of the bottle of cognac we talked about different things. It's kind of cool to be able to talk to your parents about "life" issues. Usually when my father and I speak it is about movies and/or sports. Most people say we act like brothers more than father and son. Our conversations aren't typical but then again I guess but us kind of nice to be friends with your father. He's still my dad but our conversations are really unlike any other father and son. We have talked about porn, booze, video games, and even the stupid things that women say in bed (like I said, we have a different type of relationship). It's a unique dichotomy, but it works for us. But on the night before the wedding, we talked about marriage. We talked a lot about marriage, knowing when it is time, making mistakes with women, forgiving, and ultimately about just what happiness is. My dad said that most people get married for someone else. He said that people should live for themselves and try to please themselves because if you can't love yourself how can you ever expect to be able to love someone else? My dad said that there is no "perfect" match, but there are people who are more compatible than others. He said that his wife had supported him in every endeavor he pursued and took a genuine interest in myself and my sister. This is true. She is a good woman. She likes to cook (which is the way to a big man's heart), likes sports (the way to a big sportsman's heart), and doesn't want to try to change a person. The way my mom always explained it to me is that most marriages that fail, fail because people change in opposite ways. People do change, it is inevitable, but as long as people can communicate and retain similar beliefs, things should work out. My dad also said he was still nervous, which was evident the next day during the ceremony. Men don't have the psychological capacity to handle the concept of marriage until the age of about 35 according to my father.
I didn't know how exhausting it can be just to stand up until that Sunday. The ceremony happened after Sunday service. I wasn't even getting married and I felt nervous, which means my father probably felt like a porn star in the middle of Sunday school. Hearing the sacred vows does something to the male psyche. It's like every facet of life you had known you are renouncing and putting every ounce of faith, trust, and honor in this other individual. I know my dad made the right decision, but I also knew I was far from being ready for marriage after almost passing out from hearing my dad and stepmom repeat the vows to one another. The worse part about the ceremony was standing up there and shake hands with all those strangers who probably didn't give a fuck about my existence but put on a nice false expression of complacency. I tried to mask my contempt for the practice by forcing a smile on my face while all those people walked by. I know its a necessary part of the ceremony but it sure seemed like bullshit while I was up there enduring all that pretentiousness.
I don't even have a girlfriend so its not a relevant issue right now, but I feel marinated in marriage. All my friends are getting married and starting families. Sometimes I think, "What the hell is wrong with me?" The answer is absolutely nothing. It's just not my time yet. Maybe one day I'll get married, who knows? I keep telling people when I meet a woman who likes ESPN, fishing, and doesn't have a gag reflex I'm going to be waiting for her at the alter. Until that day, I'll just be a bystander in the world of commitments watching from a safe non-obligatory distance. And that is fine with me.